Fun fact: your sinuses really affect your bodies ability to re-pressurize your ears or whatever on planes. Specifically, if you have an issue with your sinuses, such as COVID, then descending on an airplane feels like your skull is going to split and your eyes are going to pop. In my case, the pain in my ears was insanely sharp and it built and spread up and out until it felt like my eyes were swelling and the space right above them, that felt like a fissure was opening up and that, at any point, my frontal lobe was going to shoot through my brow ridge onto the very kind people on my left and right. It was like someone had a bike pump plugged directly into my head. Not pleasant.
What is equally unpleasant is that, probably also due to sinus issues, my right ear will not pop. In fact, it feels like there’s a cotton ball in it – I can’t hear shit and as of about an hour ago (it’s 2:54 a.m.), I am quite dizzy.
The time is important because sleep is sort of off the docket until the decongestants kick back in. Luckily I went to bed early at like, 9:45, so it’s not like I’m dying over here. So I woke up in a coughing fit at 1:30 or so, went and took some meds, got back in bed, started spinning, and here we are. I hopped in the shower to try to speed the decongesting along, which did not help in the slightest, and really only made my ear feel…leaky? Like there’s water in there I can’t get out. I think this is aggravating the spinning a little bit.
But again, take advantage of waking time. I trimmed my nose hairs and plucked my eyebrows and thought about shaving the disgusting beard-goatee thing that’s formed on my face over the trip, but that seemed like a whole ordeal at this hour, plus it’s going to be covered by a mask for at least a week. Not to say I like it, I really am not a fan of facial hair. But tonight, I don’t think it’s worth the effort.
So, the plan for now is to hangout until I can get off the spinning plate. Don’t know what that really means, this was supposed to kill more time but I have fuck all to talk about.
Oh, I know something. You might be thinking “Ryan, you sure are complaining a lot, have you considered shutting the fuck up?”
yes.
kind of.
First off, let’s get this out of the way. This is my cringe public diary. So every time I get a little down on myself for dumping my misfortunes onto the world wide web, I remember that I’m the only one who actually has to read this, and then all is well.
Two, I don’t really pity myself for this or really any of the happenings of the year. I guess when it’s just one thing, like a breakup, yeah you can wallow in that. That’s reasonably justifiable. At this point, though, it’s much more funny than it is upsetting. Just the sheer volume of unlucky events. But I mean, I don’t have cancer, no one died, I’m not unemployed or homeless or whatever, so really, all my little incidents are quite innocent. This isn’t a Job situation.
I don’t know, I’m still having a good time. And this will all be a funny story one day, I’m sure about that. 2024 thus far has been the most eventful year of my life, the worst year of my life, and honestly, the most enriching and fun in a long, long time. There really is a comfort in getting close to rock bottom – it showed me how far from it I really was when I was oh so unhappy the past, I don’t know, half of my life. As things pile on and pile on, I realize that it’s not really all that bad, whereas in the past, my sort of victim mentality would have made all of this out as the greatest, most pitiable tragedy of all time.
I never liked when people said I played the victim. In my head, I was doing it as a bit – it was funny to be a little worm creature about seemingly innocuous things. But the issue with bits is you internalize them after a while. I think I really did conceive of myself as one of God’s most favorite dolls to rip and tear and gnaw at. I guess, at this point, once I’ve gotten out of my head a good bit, I’ve realized the immense kind of privilege I have in terms of friends, family, etc. It’s hard for me to think of a situation that could be thrust upon me where I wouldn’t have a support system – I don’t think everyone can say that. I’m very grateful for that, and that gratitude necessitates one to reevaluate how exactly they perceive their circumstances. For me, knowing that I have incredibly good and decent people around me that care about how I’m doing, it really transforms all of my woes and miseries and spinning, sleepless nights into small little flecks of spice scattered across this whole living thing.
So, when I hop on the blog and write about how shitty things are going for me, trust me when I say I’m not feeling too down about it. If anything, it’s fun right now, seeing all the twists and turns life can have. What’s even more fun is smiling and laughing through it.
Whatever, the world is still spinning, I’m going to either play Maple Story or go lay on the couch and watch people get vivisected by aliens. Maybe cut up some fruit (cosmic crisp apples are sublime, please try them if you have not). I don’t know, I’m reverse cycling, but being awake and active at 3:28 a.m. is pretty fun if you’ve already gotten some sleep in.
Oh, listen to this album. It’s great. Bass is important for this. This is my favorite track off of it, but I also really love Image and Cry for Me.
jeez, louise 