its currently 4am Seattle time and I have just awoken from one of the most fucked up dreams of my life
for context, again, I have Covid, which sort of ruined my entire trip here, didn’t get to go to the music festival, didn’t get to go out and explore, just been bedridden since Saturday morning. My fever moves between 102 and 99 depending on if the meds decide to work, I’m sweating to death, I’ve coughed so much it hurts to breathe or sit up, I will not make it home alive.
ive been sleeping a lot, which i guess is what you’re supposed to do when sick. Again, waste of a trip. But I’ve been having some incredibly vivid and emotionally devastating dreams, I think on account of the fever and sweat.
god doesn’t want me to be happy this year, it seems. which is crazy and great, because ive mostly handled the circumstances of the year pretty well emotionally, I’ve been turning the other cheek and smiling regardless. This must offend him because literally as soon as I get to Seattle, he takes me lungs and legs and brain.
I dunno, fever dreams. Maybe it’s because my sister patty and I watched this skater Orpheus movie last night, but I dreamed I was in hell, I guess and I was going to get my ex. Yknow like the myth. So I’m going down these stairs, and I’ve got my friends with me, sorta like the chorus, telling me not to go. I remember as I walked, my skin started to melt off my legs, creating a weird like little creek I had to wade through. I remember being scared because my friends were gone at this point. I remember looking really hard for my ex in this weird forest of mushrooms. I remember being trapped in a hole. I don’t know, it all comes across fuzzy at this point, I know i found her because I woke up with a very strong urge to text her, but I can’t really remember the conversation we had. All I’m left with is the impression.
dreams are no good. they can implant these emotional states into your subconscience with no rhyme or reason and then you have to consciously deal with them. I feel like I’m going crazy, it’s really hard to tell what’s true or real or whatever when I’m constantly drifting in and out of these emotional romantic nightmares. Covid please be gone soon, I have to fly home tomorrow
jeez, louise 