(is he next out of this mortal coil?)
2:34 p.m. this will be a different kind of day, where I take notes throughout and just post it at the end.
3:11 p.m. Before my walk, I’m pregaming with a watch through of children of men.
Such a good fucking film, my god. It just has that quality, the interplay between the nihilistic and the hopeful, the idea that all of these people suffering so much from the supreme lack of purpose that comes with global infertility are adjacent to the symbol of absolution, of cure, of teleology restored, and all it takes is one glance to re-contextualize it all. I mean, the discourse applied to modernity is also fine, the othering and protectionism and atomization that comes with it all. But what’s really getting me is just the idea of miraculous hope in the face of despair. What we take as so regular in everyday life e.g. childbirth in this movie is more akin to the resurrection of Christ, a divine overcoming of the natural forces. And it just, it kills me, man. My mind is habitually going to this place of what it means to be miraculous, what the antidote for suffering is. And I don’t know, I’m drunk. I just like the movie I guess. Also, there’s something to be said about the immediate return to violence in the wake of redemption, that it never really was about the infertility, that humans explain away misdeeds with grand excuses of loss of purpose or the happenings of the world to escape base nature. It’s effective in the movie, I don’t really know how to digest it for any application other than that. Also, Clive Owen rules man, his character is so good. Bereaved dad, apex of disassociation and anhedonia, becoming the shepherd to an expecting mother? Kills me man, that’s what I want to take away from this movie. There is resolution for those who try and the purpose of our actions, the effects, they only exist outside of ourselves.
me and the boys (I’m alone) three beers in on a walk imagining new and inventive ways to suffer.
3:22 p.m. I am done peeing and am ready to travel. Dunno where yet, I’ll see where the roads take me.
3:31 p.m. I should have worn a belt these pants don’t fit me
3:46 oh your generous loan to me, your crippling interest!!!
3:58 why did I wear pants in the first place, I’m going home to change.
4:10 I made it to the art museum before I turned around, I am now home, where I will change and drink some water. It’s really hot outside, especially in pants and long sleeves. We regroup and rehydrate.
4:24 Changed, grabbed a bottle of water and my hammock, put on sunscreen. We try again. Mission: town creek!
4:48 Back to the art museum, feeling okay, a little hot. I just realized I’m going to have to walk home and I’m already at 11, 000 steps and I’m only like 2/3 of the way to the park. Unfortunate. I guess that counts my earlier walk so maybe going back won’t be so bad.
5:11 I am positioned in my hammock at the park. The first tree I picked was much too big and I kept trying to like lasso the rope around the trunk, it didn’t work once. Now I’m at a slightly smaller set of trees, but the shade is good. I just need to wait for some wind. I forgot my book at home, so I guess I’ll just lay here. I’m sort of overheating.
6:21 I fell asleep for a bit, which was pleasant, but now I’m hungry and I don’t think I can walk back. I will die in this park.
7:07 p.m. A friend picked me up from the park, bless them. It feels like the day is over but it’s only 7:00! Days sure are long if you actually do stuff during them. But also I only worked like 5 hours today so that probably adds to it. Computers are poison, time to rally and get pizza! Song of the day is a throwback, shoutout to my sister’s iPod from the like, eighth grade. It’s you! It’s me!
11:33 p.m. I got sidetracked with something. It’s nice to catch up with folks, to just shoot the shit like you used to. Life’s long and lonely sometimes, tell people you love them when you feel it in your chest, tell them you miss them when you feel their absence. People don’t hear it enough, I think. Also, I remembered I showed an employee of mine “Basketball Shoes” by BCNR today and they said it was a flop. Whatever. Tomorrow is arm day, plus a little work, then maybe go see Furiosa in theaters? Maybe I’ll go get mimosas and brunch, maybe I’ll go to Columbus and see the Riverwalk, maybe I’ll invent ice cubes that heat your drink. Who knows, man, lots of things to do.
jeez, louise 